


Kettering

by GoThruTheStars



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-07 00:01:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17355137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoThruTheStars/pseuds/GoThruTheStars
Summary: Auston has to say goodbye. (There isn't much time left, he should be ready, he just...thought it wouldn't be so soon.)





	Kettering

**Author's Note:**

> Author is an asshole. That is all.

_I wish that I had known in_

_That first minute we met_

_The unpayable debt_

_That I owed you_

 

_But something kept me standing_

_By that hospital bed_

_I should have quit but instead_

_I took care of you_

 

_You made me sleep all uneven_

_And I didn't believe them_

_When they told me that there_

_Was no saving you_

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Shh, baby it’s alright. It’s alright Mitchy.” He chokes a little on the tears as they start to drip down his face, colder than Mitchy’s skin. “It’s alright sweetheart. I’m here now. It’s okay.”

 

There aren’t any words in response. There haven’t been for a while now. Not since the first time he flatlined, and they had to shove a tube down his throat to keep him breathing.

 

Bonnie Marner signed a DNR two hours later.

 

The team isn’t there yet. They’re still playing, totally unaware of the situation. They think Auston is in the back of the locker rooms, getting checked out by the trainers, not sitting at the side of Marns’ hospital bed, holding his hand and saying goodbye.

 

 _‘They think it’s going to happen soon’._ Paul had told him as he shook off his gloves and slapped on a pair of skate guards. ‘ _I thought you’d want to be there’._

 

The monitors’ alarms are silenced, but flash orange and yellow on the screens. It’s alright, Auston thinks. He understands what they mean now - in fact, he can understand a lot of medical terms he used to not. He knows how a hospital works. He knows the names of the nurses and the orderlies.

 

He knows. (He does- he doesn't want to, he wants to wake up and realize this was a dream, but he knows, he _knows_ it’s not going to happen like that. Mitch Marner is going to die today.)

 

Mitch’s family is there in the room, but not there at the same time. His blood family, his mother and his father and his brother, they’re here. They’re standing behind him, and there’s tears, because - well, they know too.

 

But the rest of Mitchy’s family? They’re skating around on the ice, battling for a chance to lift the cup. To bring it home to Toronto, to bring it home for _Mitch_.

 

No one even skirts around it anymore. They’re playing for Mitchy. Playing for the brightness that was him, the love and happiness he brought. Auston was too.

 

Game seven. He left in the middle of game seven of the stanley cup finals to be there when his boyfriend dies.

 

 _That isn’t how this is supposed to go_. His brain complains to him, like he needs to be reminded how horrible that sentence it. He was supposed to marry him. He was going to dance while their teammates catcalled them, and Gard’s was going to get Mo drunk, and Naz would pretend not care but in reality he’ll be crying while Patty hugs them both with no shame at the tears on his face.

 

Happy tears.

 

Not the ones Patty cried when the doctor told them Mitch would probably never wake up, never mind play hockey again. (Not the ones Auston cried when Mrs. Marner hugged him, right after she signed the DNR, right after she decided it was time to _let Mitch go_ ).

 

Right before the playoffs. They were good, they were _happy-_

 

 _They_ were apart when the drunk driver swerved through the intersection and t-boned Mitch’s car.

 

The numbers flash lower, reminding Auston how little time he has left.

 

“It’s alright Mitchy.” He whispers, one hand reaching up to slip through his hair.

 

(It’s the last time. He has to say it all).

 

“It’s alright.” His voice isn’t even audible anymore, cracking with the sobs that rattle his chest and shake him to his bones. “It’s alright. I know I- I might’ve said some things to you before- I know I told you to stay and to fight and to prove them wrong but I- I- can’t do this to you anymore. To leave you like this-” He pauses, and has to focus, just for a second, on how to breath, because his throat is _so_ tight and it hurts _so_ much and he isn’t ready, he isn’t ready at all, but he doesn’t get a choice.

 

 _It was a love for the ages,_ they’ll say, when they find out. _It ended too soon._ There’ll be tears, and wilted roses on a grave, and banners and signs and grief counseling and players expressing more emotion than anyone is used to.

 

But there won’t be Mitchy.

 

There won’t be his little ball of light, bouncing around to keep the heaviness from settling in Auston’s chest. There won’t be car concerts or stupid memes or falling asleep during movies. There won’t be smiles despite loses, laughter despite tears.

 

There won’t be Auston staring in awe as Bonnie walks with Mitch down the aisle of a church.

 

“I wish we had more time.” Auston gasps, struggling to keep focused. He hates how his vision blurs with tears, distorting what he sees. Doesn’t his eyes know, this is going to be the last time they get to see him? The most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on, who he loves so fiercely it hurt from day one, and he dare cry tears to blur his face?

 

“You once told me that everything happened for a reason.” He shakes his head. “I don’t see the reason in this one baby.”

 

He trembles, squeezing Mitchy’s hand. The ventilator hisses. Mitch’s brother sobs.

 

“But if- if you want to- if you need to- if you _have to go_ \- I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay, alright? It’s okay.”

 

He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again and this time, he can’t, he can’t say it, he _has to say it-_

 

This is his last chance.

 

He stands slowly, as if not to disturb him from sleep, and gently, ever so gently, so that too much pressure would shatter him, presses his lips to the soft skin of Marns’ forehead. Then he settles his hip on the hospital bed, swinging his legs up and pulling Mitchy’s frail body into his arms, careful of the wires and tubes. Not that it matters anymore. Not that this matters anymore, when every doctor has told them Mitch isn’t in there, so really, Mitchy won’t ever hear him say it, but Auston-

 

Auston has to believe that he will. He has to, because if he doesn’t then he really is losing everything.

 

The television screen is showing crowds going wild, the last seconds of the game counting down in favor of the Leafs. He hopes they’ll be able to put Mitchy’s name on it. He hopes it’s engraved right next to his.

 

“Oh Mitchy.” He murmurs, and closes his eyes to bury his face into the fluffy brown hair. The last seconds count down so fast, slipping by their room, guiding the hand of fate. _“I love you.”_

 

And it’s there, in a dim hospital room in Toronto, while his team lifts the cup for the first time in over fifty years, that Auston Matthews says goodbye to the love of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I too hate myself. (tbh i hadn’t heard the song in a while and it came on and i stupidly said OH YOU SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING WHILE LISTENING TO THIS BC INSP no bad wrong incorrect this was a mistake). I made myself cry with this one so for maximum tears just listen to the song on repeat while you read.


End file.
